Bend Couples Counseling: Surviving an Affair Can Make Your Relationship Stronger

July 20, 2012 by

Most people who come to Bend couples counseling after an affair are devastated. The person who was betrayed can’t believe that their spouse would do something like this to them, and the betrayer is riddled with feelings of guilt and shame. What most couples miss, though, is that the point is something entirely different.

So, what is it? That both of you came to therapy looking for relationship help.

The fact that you’re trying to work through it should tell you that the marriage is something worth fighting for. That’s what I tell the couples who walk through my door, that just showing up is a good sign for the relationship. I also tell them something that never fails to surprise: working through the problems made apparent in the aftermath of an affair often brings couples closer together than ever before.

People Move beyond an Affair in Bend Couples Counseling

How is it possible to become closer after an affair? Because dealing with such an agonizing thing actually provides the opportunity for relationship help in a number of other ways.

It forces both people to really talk and listen to each other. Where once there was secrecy, there will have to be complete openness and honesty. Empathy will have to be offered on both sides, and each of you will learn to focus on re-connecting .

The unfaithful spouse will learn how to embrace responsibility, accept the healing process, and be more open and honest about his or her needs. The wronged spouse will discover how to accept the pain, anger, and grief that come, as well as learning ways to push those feelings aside so that they can talk about what happened and exercise forgiveness.

When both parties are willing participants in trying to pick up the pieces, I find that they often emerge from this traumatic even stronger and closer than ever. Some couples find a way to do this alone, but many cannot. If you still want to make your marriage work after an affair but don’t know how, try Bend couples counseling

Contact me today to get the process started of healing your marriage after an affair.