Bend Marriage Coaching: Common Conflicts That Arise After Your First Child-And How to Solve Them

November 11, 2016 by

Your little one is a blessing, but (and we’re sure you know this already) having a kid isn’t easy. Children can tax you in ways you never knew existed before, and the stresses of caring for your first child can’t help but carry over into your relationship.

We work with lots of couples experiencing difficulties that largely stem from not knowing how to be parents and still have a relationship. If you’d like to benefit from our experience, all you have to do is get in touch.

Not quite ready to take that step? No problem. We can still give you some general help by detailing several common issues first-time parents face and how you can get through them with your relationship intact.

Differences in Parenting Styles. You and your spouse want your child to have the best life – but how will you get them there? Many couples don’t really get to experience their spouse’s parenting style or understand their parenting priorities until they witness them firsthand. Disagreements over how your child will be raised can reflect deeper differences between you and your spouse, which can be troubling for many.

Solution: Research and discuss different parenting methods together. Just because your spouse’s mother says the child should be fed solids at however-many months does not mean that it’s the best recommendation for your child. Talk to your pediatrician, read through different trusted sources on parenting, and find methods you and your spouse can come to an agreement on. Compromise might be tough, but will save you stress when you approach similar issues throughout your child’s life.

Finding Couple Time. Time with your spouse has now become time with your family, and while this time is precious and wonderful, it can take away from the role you play as spouse, lover, friend, and so on. Remember that these roles are separate, with separate needs to be satisfied for a healthy, well-rounded relationship.

Solution: Do not feel guilty scheduling date nights or alone time. These are necessary for keeping the flame alive in your relationship, and refreshing the reasons why you chose your spouse to be your partner-in-parenting. As you’ll read below, handing your child off to a babysitter or your parents may do more good than you think.

Extra Time with the Grandparents. The child may be yours, but that doesn’t mean you can take up all of his or her time. Chances are good that grandparents are going to want to be around more often to be a part of the new arrival’s life. Depending on your relationship with your parents (and your in-laws!), this could add a whole other level of stress.

Solution: Set boundaries. Your parents have been parents before. They know the importance of spending alone time with your child (and spending alone time with your spouse). Be upfront about your needs for alone time. And if that doesn’t work, kill two birds with one stone by letting the grandparents play babysitter while you head out on a date night.

Finances. Think you budgeted out enough money for diapers? Think again. Having a child can flip your financial situation upside down, which can leave you tossing and turning at night (just when you need sleep the most!).

Solution: Work on your budget together, and be ready to revisit it – together. Leaving finances up to one spouse may leave the other feeling out of the loop – and cause more trouble than it’s worth. For more ways to handle your finances as a couple, check out this blog post.

Having difficulty working things out on your own? Contact a Bend marriage coach today.