Bend Marriage Counseling: Tell Partner About One-Night Stand?

November 4, 2014 by

Every once in a while someone will come into my office for a solo session and relay a situation to me: “I’m married, but I slept with someone else. Just once, and it’s not going to happen again…Do I tell my spouse or not?”

We are taught that relationships require honesty in all things, so the answer would seem to be easy, right? Except that how many of us are truly honest with our significant other 100 percent of the time? We tell them their dress looks great even when we don’t think it does. Or we avoid telling them that we had an amazing sexual dream about someone that wasn’t them. Sometimes, being polite and respecting our partner means that we’re not brutally honest – even if all the “rules” say that we should be.

So where does infidelity like the one described above land? Perhaps you need to ask yourself not just whether you should tell them, but why it happened and why you feel the need to confess.

Examine the Motivation Behind the Affair

The longer we’re in a relationship with one person, the more likely we are to lose touch with those parts of ourselves that crave romance and eroticism. This is a very normal and common occurrence, and most people simply accept it as an inevitable tradeoff for the love, stability, and friendship that come with having one long term partner.

But just because those parts of us have been “muted” doesn’t mean that they are gone. And what often happens when people engage in affairs is that they suddenly – and surprisingly – come into contact with someone who reignites their romantic and erotic side and the excitement of this causes them to succumb.

Why Tell Your Partner?

There are perfectly good reasons to tell your partner. Affairs don’t just happen – there are emotional and relationship reasons that lead up to them. Telling your partner can be a way to “clear the decks” and wake them up to the fact that there’s a problem in your relationship and you want to work together to make things better.

Whether or not your confession is necessary to attain this goal, though, is a highly individual and personal question. And if all you really want to do is unburden yourself so that you feel better, it’s definitely worth taking the time to about it. This kind of revelation can’t help but cause some emotional turmoil. Don’t you owe it to your partner to at least make sure that the end result will make your relationship better?

Still unsure whether confessing will help or hurt your relationship? Come in to our Bend marriage counseling offices and talk to a therapist who can help.

Contact us today.