Bend Marriage Counselor’s Advice for Dating after a Divorce

November 11, 2011 by

As a Bend marriage counselor, I’ve helped many people to rebuild their lives after a divorce. One of the hardest things to do is start dating again. It may be years or even decades since you were last single. You’re in a different stage of your life, and you’re not sure how the “game” has changed. Where do you even begin?

I believe one crucial factor is when you begin. Wait until the divorce process is over. Dating before it is final can make things more tense between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse. This can complicate the divorce proceedings and have an impact on your future relationship, which is especially important to consider if you have children together.

Once you are officially single, it can be beneficial to take some time to get your life in order. Figure out your new living arrangements. See how the new custody arrangements affect your daily life. And redefine your relationship with your ex. This won’t happen overnight, and you don’t have to get it 100% down before you start dating again, but give yourself some time to adjust to the new status quo.

A good first step if you are afraid to start dating again is to just focus on making new friends. This will help twofold: you’ll get some practice on forming new relationships and you’ll hopefully form a new support group that’s separate from the one you and your spouse developed together. Be on a particular lookout for single friends in the same age range as you. They can help you gain the confidence about dating you may be lacking and even give you relationship advice when you’re ready to start dating again.

In my work as a Bend marriage counselor, I’ve found that the right strategy for starting to date again is the one that’s most comfortable for you. For some this means jumping in right away even though it’s scary. For others, it may take more time to get adjusted to their new life first.

Get Help from a Bend Marriage Counselor

It can help to really understand how you’re feeling after your divorce, because this will unintentionally rub off on your next relationship. Are you feeling defiant and angry? Do you feel insecure and ashamed? When you’re at your lowest, remember this: 40% of weddings in the U.S. are remarriages. You can find love again if you want to. It can be helpful to work through your feelings on the divorce and get relationship advice from a Bend marriage counselor.