Bend Marriage Counselor asks: How does your childhood effect your relationship? Part 1

May 6, 2015 by

Most couples resist exploring how their childhood affects their relationship. They may say they are past all that happened that hurt or scared them. The larger truth is we are all impacted by our childhood both positively and negatively.

Though we might not be aware of it, we carry an image in our minds about relationship that has its roots in our childhood. “Imago” is the Latin word for “image”. Imago Relationship Therapy is based on the idea that our unconscious chooses a partner who is similar to our “imago”, or image, of ourselves— our Imago Match.

Couples will often say “it’s like I’ve known him (or her) forever” or “ we finish each others sentences”, during the infatuation stage of courtship. During this stage we only see the positives. We believe we have found our soul mate. This is the person who will meet our needs and longings! The problem that arises when we commit and move in with each other is that the negatives begin to show up and we don’t know how to deal with them.

If we never learned how to communicate our needs or saw healthy communication modeled by our parents growing up, we will struggle in our adult love relationship. The good news is we can learn how to communicate our needs and support our partner in communicating his or her needs as well. As we realize that our repetitive frustrations have deeper origins, it deepens our intimacy. Our willingness to understand what our partner needs from us and support them, and learning to communicate our needs appropriately, will create the collaboration needed to become real soul mates.

One of the best ways to do this is to attend a Getting The Love You Want . In just one weekend we learn how our childhoods impact our relationships and how to communicate and meet our partners needs. Together we can all create the relationship of our dreams.

Tim Higdon for more information.