Bend Marriage Counselor asks: “How does your childhood effect your relationship? Part 1

June 4, 2015 by

Most couples resist exploring how their childhood affects their relationship. They may say they are past all that happened that hurt or scared them. The larger truth is we all were impacted by our childhood both positively and negatively.

We may not be aware that we carry this as an image in our minds about relationship. “Imago” is a Latin word that means “image”. Imago Relationship Therapy is based on the idea that our unconscious choses a partner that is similar to our “Imago”. We call this our Imago Match. During the infatuation phase of courtship, partners often say “it’s like I’ve known him or her forever” or “ we finish each others sentences”.

During this stage we only see the positives and believe we have found our soul mate—this is The Person who will meet our needs and longings! But, when we commit and move in with each other the negatives begin to show up and we don’t know how to deal with them. If we haven’t learned how to communicate our needs or had it modeled by our parents growing up, we will struggle in our adult love relationship.

The good news is we can learn how to communicate our needs and support our partner in communicating his or her needs. As we realize that our repetitive frustrations have deeper origins it deepens our intimacy. Our willingness to understand what our partner needs from us, supporting them and communicating our own needs will create the collaboration needed to become real soul mates.

One of the best ways to do this is to attend a Getting The Love You Want Couples Workshop. In just one weekend couples can learn how their childhood has impacted their relationship and how to communicate and meet each other’s needs. Together you can create the relationship of your dreams.

Contact Tim Higdon for more information.