Bend Marriage Counselor: Growing Together after You’ve Grown Apart

Growing Together after You've Grown Apart

There are a lot of reasons couples split up: adultery, disagreements about big issues like kids and marriages, or a big blowout fight that couldn’t be resolved. One of the most common reasons that long-term couples get a divorce is very tragic: they’ve just grown apart.

I say this reason is tragic because couples that grow apart often feel confused and frustrated for a long time before splitting up. You cannot harness any poor feelings against your partner for growing apart. It happens without warning, and blame cannot be put on either spouse.

Many couples who realize that they are growing apart still want to make the relationship work. Solving such a complex problem isn’t fast or easy, but it can be done. How?

Acknowledge the issue. Many couples stay together for quite some time before they can acknowledge the fact that they are growing apart. It’s not an easy thing to bring up, but it should be brought up before it is “too late.” The sooner you discuss these feelings with your spouse, the sooner you can work on growing back together and prioritizing your relationship.

Go back to your first year of dating. You can’t turn back the clock, but you can certainly go back in time to when you and your spouse first started dating. Bring back old habits and get to know and fall in love with your spouse like you did so many years ago. For tips on how to bring back these old habits, read our previous blog post.

Make your relationship a priority. When you and your spouse are focused on things like your career, friends, or children, it’s no wonder that you grow apart. You’re living different lives apart from your relationship.

If you feel distant from your spouse, bring them closer by making your relationship a priority. Go on regular date nights (and stick to this routine.) Go on dates that will help you reignite the flames and passion in the bedroom. Attend relationship workshops or seek the help of a relationship counselor. Putting your relationship back in the limelight will help you and your spouse get to know each other again.

Be patient with your partner. As we mentioned earlier, growing apart is tricky because there’s no one action that couples can point to as the start of the problem. Growing apart happens over a period of time, so it will take both time and effort on both of your parts to grow closer again and enjoy your relationship to its full potential. Be patient with your partner – and yourself – as you work toward the love you felt when you first said, “I do.”