Bend Marriage Counselor: Maintain Romance in a Lifelong Marriage

January 23, 2015 by

As a marriage counselor, I see couples of all kinds—from newlyweds who are arguing about finances to long-time spouses struggling to overcome a recent infidelity. But many couples that come to me aren’t going through dramatic arguments or drastic life changes. Many couples seek marriage counseling simply because they feel their relationship has lost its fire.

Whether it’s because they’ve been investing all their energy in their kids or they’re busy with work, for some reason, sex, intimacy, and romance have been pushed to the back-burner. As a result, they may feel unappreciated, disenchanted, or discouraged with their marriage.

Don’t worry—it’s completely normal for a long-term couple to lose that initial feeling of excitement and novelty in their relationship. The good news? It doesn’t have to be lost forever. By working together to reignite the fire in your marriage, you can become a happier, healthier couple, and happier, healthier individuals.

Below, I’ve listed some simple techniques for rekindling the romance in your relationship.

Make small romantic gestures. Even the littlest, seemingly insignificant romantic gestures can make a big impact. Think back to the things you used to do when you first started dating—maybe you held hands, sent romantic text messages to each other, played footsie, or kissed long and passionately before leaving for work. Try to incorporate these types of gestures into your daily routine.

Surprise each other. When was the last time you brought your partner flowers or made him or her breakfast in bed? Chances are, these types of small surprises will amaze and flatter your spouse, helping them to feel loved and appreciated, and reminding them of how exciting it felt when you first started dating.

Plan date nights. I can’t stress the importance of planning regular date nights enough. By carving time out of your busy schedules each week to devote exclusively to each other, you demonstrate your commitment to the other person and uncover romantic feelings that may have been otherwise hidden by thoughts of work, kids, and other distractions.

For more ideas on how to keep the romance alive, talk to a Bend marriage counselor.