Bend Marriage Counselor says—End Negativity!

January 23, 2012 by

After spending a great weekend assisting Harville Hendrix (co-creator along with his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt of Imago Relationship Therapy) during his tools to create lasting love couples workshop recently, I came away with a new appreciation for how important it is to make a decision to end negativity in our relationships and I want to share this concept with you.

A Call to Action to End Negativity says Bend, Oregon Marriage Counselor

We really do know what it takes to create lasting love and a great marriage. Today interpersonal neurobiology, quantum psychics, psychology and clinical research confirm what many have learned through their faith—end negativity! We simply cannot have the love and connection we long for when we are thinking or behaving negatively toward our partner. So, what is a negative? It’s anything we say that puts our partner down or our partner feels as negative. Criticism, blame, shame, guilt, dismissing or belittling will create automatic defensiveness. We cannot experience safety when there is negativity. Why do so many couples resort to negativity when it has zero chance of successful connection?
Part of the answer lies in our unconscious minds. We can become addicted to negative thoughts and behaviors in an attempt to coerce our partner into changing to meet our needs. The result is more defensiveness in return. Have you ever had an argument with your partner over something small and wondered why? Have you ever forgotten what you were even arguing about?
We have a “sentinel” in our brain, the amygdala, that stands watch and is prepared to defend us when it spots danger. When we feel anxiety regarding our partner the amygdala interprets this as “there’s an enemy in the house” and we defend ourselves. The outcome is we lose our sense of connection and no longer feel joy.
Over time, to protect ourselves from getting hurt, more and more distance creeps into in our relationship. Making a decision to end all negativity may seem radical but it’s the way to chart a new course to real love and the relationship of our dreams. It is possible! We can learn to get past the old patterns that keep us stuck. Attend a Getting The Love You Want couples workshop and learn a “boatload” of ways to bring safety, passion and joy back into your relationship.

To find out more and get help for your own relationships with personal counseling or attending a workshop contact Tim Higdon MS LPC.