Bend Marriage Counselor Says: Let’s Make It ‘Cool’ To Attend A Marriage Workshop #2

April 13, 2011 by

As a Bend marriage counselor working with hundreds, if not over a thousand, couples over the years has taught me a few things about successful marriages. The research that has come out in recent years about how to make love last a lifetime is compelling. Here are a few points that make going to a marriage workshop or class worth its weight in gold:

1. For starters, you didn’t marry yourself. You married another person with his or her own thoughts, feelings and viewpoint. We may have similar values but come about them from a different vantage point. Learning to fully listen and speak respectfully to one another allows you to learn that your differences are manageable.

2. All couples have a “learning curve” when it comes to understanding each other, especially their “love targets”, expectations and emotional triggers. Learning the Imago Dialogue process can be a big help as it brings couples the emotional safety required to learn about each other.

3. All couples have disagreements. Even couples that say they never fight do. They just don’t address their issues and grow more distant over time. How they handle disagreements is the key. Successful couples learn to manage disagreements without hostility, criticism, blame or shame, all of which erode their love.

4. Diane Sollee, Smart Marriages Director, states: “successful couples have the same number of disagreements as couples who divorce. Even more interesting, research shows that all couples disagree about the same basic issues- money, kids, sex, housework, in-laws and time. “

Bend Marriage Counselor States Successful Couples Learn The Skills and Knowledge Necessary To Keep Their Love Alive!

You can unlearn the behaviors that hurt your love for one another and learn new ones that will build and sustain your love. As a Bend, Oregon marriage counselor, I have brought a variety of resources available to help make a difference for you. Whether you are just starting out , wanting to make a good relationship even better or on the edge of a breakup,  consider taking the tools to create lasting love. You will be glad you did. Stay tuned for Part 3 in this series.