Bend, Oregon Marriage Counselor asks: “Do you want a Relationship Built to Last?”

March 8, 2013 by

After reading  Stan Tatkin’s book Wired For Love this Bend, Oregon marriage counselor highly recommends it for all couples desiring a lasting and happy relationship. The book combines attachment theory with neuroscience and the study of our brains in relationship. These are both hot topics in the field of psychology and counseling today. He presents the information in easy to understand language that any of us can put to use.

My favorite concept is the “couple bubble”. Tatkin defines the “couple bubble” as a “mutually constructed membrane, cocoon, or womb that holds a couple together and protects each partner from outside elements. The hallmark of a ‘couple bubble’ is that the question of autonomy versus mutuality in relationship gets reversed. Instead of a relationship that essentially says ‘If it’s good for me it should be fine for you’ or ‘you do your thing I’ll do mine’(autonomy) a ‘couple bubble’ is defined as a mutual agreement to take care of each other. It isn’t your bubble or my bubble but our bubble.” So, ask yourself, what does my partner needs to feel safe and secure in this relationship?

You may think this leads to co-dependence—supporting our partner to the detriment of our own happiness. This could not be further from the truth. What actually happens is we have the opportunity to grow into our real, fuller selves. Why? Because we are implicitly called upon at times to stretch beyond our self-defined limitations and discover that we are so much more. The outcome of putting our relationship first is a more gratifying and enlivening life experience

At Bend Oregon Marriage Counseling we teach couples how to create a “couple bubble” that will bring a deepening of our love and an end to conflict that can sabotage our intimacy. Do you want a love built to last? Then I invite you to join me through couples counseling and The Getting The Love You Want Couples Workshop to create your own “couple bubble”.