Bend Oregon Marriage Counselor says:” Incompatibility is Grounds for a Committed Relationship!”

September 9, 2011 by

According to the survey done by Tim Atkinson, Executive Director, Imago Relationship International, one reason couples are afraid to attend a tools to create lasting love Couples Workshop is that they might discover they really aren’t right for each other.
Indeed I have heard this same fear from partners who are tired of struggling or have already decided to leave the marriage before the first counseling session begins. Ryan Howes states in his article, "A Match Made on Earth: An Interview with eHarmony’s Neil Clark Warren Warren", that a main premise of eHarmony is to match-up couples based on compatibility. Essentially, according to Warren, we want to be with someone we have “a lot more we agree upon than disagree about, otherwise we spend most of our time negotiating."

 While it makes sense that we would want to be with someone who has similar values and vision for the relationship, many of us are most attracted to someone who is different than us. They are exciting and interesting. Though some negotiating may ensue, when we are attracted in this way we are more flexible, patient, compromising, humorous, and alive. The problem is when we commit/marry and move in together, things change. It begins to dawn on us that we are married to an “other”. Harville Hendrix Phd, author of Getting The Love You Want says “you don't marry yourself, you marry another person." Every couple experiences some form of this struggle. Hendrix goes on to say, "conflict is growth trying to happen".

A few weeks ago actor Jeff Bridges was interviewed by Piers Morgan. Bridges has been married for 34 years, which is abnormal by Hollywood standards. Piers asked him "how can you say you are more in love with your wife today than you ever have been?". Bridges answered, "everytime we have troubles, we lean into each other and I always learn something new about her." He goes on to say, "it deepens our intimacy....and isn't that what we all want?"

Bend Oregon Counselor says: “All Couples Have a Learning Curve”

When couples learn the Intentional Dialogue this is what happens as well. They create the safety they need to reconnect and learn that they actually have unique differences that are exactly what they need to heal and grow!
So, here's my challenge: take the tools to create lasting loveCouples Workshop and discover how "right" you are for each other.